her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize