I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
