There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He passed out mid-signature
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
