ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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