Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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