Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
