I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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