Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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