and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Alive.
So much puke
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
