im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
