I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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