So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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