Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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