"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
