I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
