Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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