I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
