I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
