You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
