I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets