so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.