how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
handjob tips. give me some.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.