on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.