just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
