The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
