There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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