toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
