I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Randomize
