i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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