woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
