We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
