Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
