so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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