Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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