Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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