So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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