i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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