My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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