well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize