I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
