that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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