he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
