I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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