Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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