If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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