Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
