i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You pole danced in your parka.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
