I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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