She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
