before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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