Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
