Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
