Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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