woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
