he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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