it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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