you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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