we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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