Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
