My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
