I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
