every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
