He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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