She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
