I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
